Angry dream

From my journal dated May 19, 2002:

I had a dream the other night. I so seldom remember my dreams that it’s odd I remember this one.

I dreamed we were at C.S.’s* house for dinner. She was upset with us for some reason and put all of us [our family] at the old kitchen table to eat while she sat at the dining room table with all the fancy dishes and crystal. She kept glaring over at us. Her family felt she was wrong and came to sit with us. I needed to get a drink so I started to go get one for myself, but then thought I should be polite and ask C.S.* if that was okay. She made some kind of really rude comment to me when I asked, and I punched my fist down into a glass bowl full of whipped cream salad and started choking her in such a rage.

I woke up…and realized what anger I have in my heart toward [people] in general right now for making US feel like the bad guys when we’ve done nothing wrong. We can’t help it that Jason died and that they’re all uncomfortable. Why are we paying the price? Why do they not support us? Why do they avoid us? People have a hard time being around us…and especially have a hard time coming to our home. It’s more comfortable for them to avoid us, but where does that leave us? Alone…and paying the price for something beyond our control!! No family, no church support, no support of any kind on a consistent basis.

We’re paying the price. How sad! And I guess I’m just really angry about it right now.

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This entry was posted in Angry, Death of a child, Dream, Emotions, Grief/Grieving, Support and tagged , , , by Rebecca Carney - One Woman's Perspective. Bookmark the permalink.

About Rebecca Carney - One Woman's Perspective

My name is Becky Carney. My husband, Joe, and I have been married for 40 years. We have two living children, Eric (37) and Jenna (32). We lost a baby in utero at 19 weeks in 1987. In 2002, our middle son, Jason (19), and his best friend, Alina (20), were broadsided by a drunk driver who was going at least twice the speed limit. They both died instantly. This blog is written from my perspective as a bereaved parent. I don't claim to know what it's like to walk in anyone else's shoes. Each situation is different; each person is different. Everyone handles grief differently. But if I can create any degree of understanding of what it's like to be a parent who has lost a child, then I have succeeded in my reason for writing this blog.

One thought on “Angry dream

  1. Pingback: How many children do you have? | Grief: One Woman's Perspective

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