From my journal dated June 2, 2002:
The pastor at church today talked about “Trading Faces.” “Let your face know that you have the joy of the Lord,” he said.
How does all that “Christian-speak” reconcile with having a heart so broken at losing a precious child? “Change the oil of joy for mourning.” How many people “amen-ing” today really know what it’s like to lose a child and walk through the valley of the shadow of death?
I don’t want to be so sad. I don’t want to be bitter. But I also can’t be phony – “notify my face to smile” when my heart is so broken. It’s not a matter of faith necessarily. It’s a matter of having a broken heart because of the death of our son.