The invisible “someone else”

From my journal dated July 10, 2002:

While we were gone today, a gal I don’t know very well from the homeschool group delivered a plant that’s supposed to attract butterflies and planted it in the front yard. It was very thoughtful. When I called to thank her, she asked about Jenna’s friends surrounding her and supporting her. She seemed genuinely shocked when I told here there was none.

People have this idea about others who “rally around” us…when, in fact, it’s that non-existent, invisible, mythical “someone else.” Someone else’s responsibility….those elusive friends who are such a great support. “Someone” must be a figment of people’s hopeful and idealistic minds….because they are certainly not here. I think it must be comforting for others to picture that we are surrounded by support and encouragement. It just doesn’t happen to be that way in reality.

Oh, dear. I can tell it still frustrates me…and I have to fight to not let it make me upset or bitter. I will keep on trying…I will not let this make me bitter.

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This entry was posted in "Someone else", Bitter, Death of a child, Support and tagged , , , by Rebecca Carney - One Woman's Perspective. Bookmark the permalink.

About Rebecca Carney - One Woman's Perspective

My name is Becky Carney. My husband, Joe, and I have been married for 40 years. We have two living children, Eric (37) and Jenna (32). We lost a baby in utero at 19 weeks in 1987. In 2002, our middle son, Jason (19), and his best friend, Alina (20), were broadsided by a drunk driver who was going at least twice the speed limit. They both died instantly. This blog is written from my perspective as a bereaved parent. I don't claim to know what it's like to walk in anyone else's shoes. Each situation is different; each person is different. Everyone handles grief differently. But if I can create any degree of understanding of what it's like to be a parent who has lost a child, then I have succeeded in my reason for writing this blog.

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