I miss my life

From my journal dated October 7, 2002:

Is this pain every going to end? Will our house have life in it ever again?

I just don’t know if I can stand it any more. Nothing seems to be going right or getting any better. I’m just so sad today. I miss my boy so much. It’s just not right that he’s gone.

Today has been a rough day. I’m just on the verge of tears.

Sometimes it feels like my heart is in a vice, and it’s just squeezing nothing but pain out of it. Literal, physical pain.

I miss my life. I feel like I took it for granted, and now it’s gone…never to return. That’s the way I felt after the tree fell on the house in Bellevue, that I had blown it by not fully appreciating what I had at the time. Maybe that’s being too hard on myself…but now I look back and see the wasted time, the needless frustration, the focus on things that don’t even matter now.

How I wish I could go back. I’d give anything to have my Jason back!!

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