Eyes: Windows to the Soul

From my journal dated October 13, 2002:

Woke Jenna up this morning for work and am making coffee for her. Don’t know what to do to help my sweet girl. She just works, goes to school, and is exhausted the rest of the time. The only fun thing she does is dance.

Maybe it’s a mistaken concept that young adults should have “fun” all the time, but I think there needs to be some fun in there, some social activity. I worry about her and the solitude.

Jenna realizes a lot about herself, about others, and about things around her. She said last night that she realizes she no longer looks people directly in the eye. Her dance instructor keeps telling her she needs to focus on her dance partner, center on him after doing spins, and look him in the eye.

But she has a really hard time doing that. I think it’s a trust issue. Such an incredible number of people have hurt her and broken her trust after the death of her brother. She’s barely 18 and has been through so much.

Jenna said her patience is so short. I know how she feels – Joe’s patience is short, too, and I have practically none. She said absolutely everything around her frustrates the heck out of her – school, work, people – and that she feels like a piece of plywood that’s about to snap. I told her she needs to figure out a way to release some of the pressure – either cut back at work or school, or to avoid the people who frustrate her.

She doesn’t feel like she can cut back at school. Work, either. They were supposed to give her shorter night shifts on school nights, but that hasn’t happened yet. Carrying a full load at school and working nearly full time would be enough if that were all she were doing. Both of us went right back to school after the accident. Joe went right back to work. Jenna got a job at Barnes & Noble. She has had to deal with so many other things in relation to Jason’s death. No wonder she’s frustrated and exhausted.

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This entry was posted in Bereaved Parent, Daughter, Death of a child, Family, Trust and tagged , , by Rebecca Carney - One Woman's Perspective. Bookmark the permalink.

About Rebecca Carney - One Woman's Perspective

My name is Becky Carney. My husband, Joe, and I have been married for 40 years. We have two living children, Eric (37) and Jenna (32). We lost a baby in utero at 19 weeks in 1987. In 2002, our middle son, Jason (19), and his best friend, Alina (20), were broadsided by a drunk driver who was going at least twice the speed limit. They both died instantly. This blog is written from my perspective as a bereaved parent. I don't claim to know what it's like to walk in anyone else's shoes. Each situation is different; each person is different. Everyone handles grief differently. But if I can create any degree of understanding of what it's like to be a parent who has lost a child, then I have succeeded in my reason for writing this blog.

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