8 months

From my journal dated November 3, 2002:

Sunday – November 3, 2002

8 months – 8 long, horrendous, lonely months

I hate it. I still hate it all.

  • I hate the emptiness Jason’s absence leaves.
  • I hate the 3rd of each month, aware of how many months Jason has been gone.
  • I hate the way our house is so silent most of the time.
  • I hate the emptiness of Sundays and going to church, just Joe and me.
  • I hate going so many places and doing so many things by myself.
  • I hate making dinner – enough to feed a crew, but the crew isn’t around any more.
  • I hate that Jenna doesn’t have her special brother in her life any more.
  • I hate that people avoid us, like they might catch something from us.
  • I hate going by Jason’s closed door every day, knowing his stuff is still there just as he left it when he took Alina home that night.
  • I hate the darkness and heavy sadness in my heart.
  • I hate that Thanksgiving and Christmas are marching toward us…they will never be the same.
  • I hate that it seems like everyone has forgotten Jason…like the accident never happened.
  • I hate it that Jason is gone.
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