Reading, Reading, Reading

From my journal dated November 25, 2002:

I’ve been reading some books on grief lately. I think it’s helpful to realize that certain things are common to grieving parents. I hate being arbitrarily lumped into one group, like one shoe fits all. I don’t believe it’s that way. Jason was such an incredible young man. He was our boy; our grief is unique to him. But, as I read, I see common threads to other bereaved parents.

I have been marking with an ‘X’ in the margins when something really resonates with me. I also write notes or comments in the margins.

Some books are better than others. The last one I read*, even though the author hadn’t lost a child, had a lot of insight.

One disconcerting thing is that the books keep talking in terms of “years.” It scares me to think of how long this awful pain will last. I don’t know if I can survive it. I don’t think it will ever go away.

*[The book I had been reading was The Worst Loss: How Families Heal from the Death of a Child by Barbara D. Rosof.]

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2 thoughts on “Reading, Reading, Reading

  1. Becky,
    I just got an email from WP that you liked my post and they thought I should drop by…so here I am.

    As I sit here reading your posts, my heart started bleeding again and the tears have been unleashed. I am so sorry. I wish for you …. and I wish for me… that we could rewind time and prevent our loved ones from being taken away.

    My father died in May of Cancer… and the grief is still fresh, raw, engulfing and suffocating. We have had a family website for Dad since he was diagnosed and we have written about our grief. http://familycook.wordpress.com/2011/05/ . Writing serves as an outlet for the emotions that cannot be contained within our souls…kind of a causeway for the overflow that we cannot retain because the pain is just too unbearable.

    There is no comparing of grief. You cannot weigh it on a scale or examine it under a microscope to see it’s DNA…it is unique to each person. So I cannot truly say I am going through the same grief you are just because I have lost a loved one. How presumptious that would be of me. That being said, I am a mother of two boys, your son was 1 year older than my oldest son… I cannot begin to register what you have been dealing with and let myself walk in your shoes…I can’t because my heart is already so fractured…and I think I would crumble to pieces. But then, when I read your posts I know that God gave us an amazing spirit and an ability to go on even when we are no longer whole, when someone or something takes away a component of our very being…we go on. You continue breathing everyday, because you are loved and needed and cherished by your family and friends. And because of your grace….and your beautiful words…your son will not be forgotten and his dignity will live on because of his Mother’s devotion. I wish you peace.

    Thank you for sharing. Truly.

    • Thank you so much for visiting my blog and for writing in response. I am so sorry for your loss. Jason’s death has certainly put me on a long and difficult path. We miss him so much.

      I agree…writing has been a great outlet for me…a way to express myself when dealing with difficult emotions or circumstances.

      Best wishes and God bless.

      Becky

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