Today is a beautiful day in Florida – sunny, 75 degrees. As I was driving to Costco this morning, I realized that I felt a very familiar feeling about this day. It felt comfortable, but like I should be doing something else, some place else. As I thought about it, I realized why that familiar feeling came from so deep within me – this day in Miami (because of the temperature, humidity, sunshine, and other weather factors) feels like a Seattle summer day to me. It made me feel exactly how I used to feel on a sunny, summer Seattle day. That’s why it felt so familiar to me. It’s the type of day I knew so well from my life that used to be.
It feels like I should be puttering around our Washington home, kids coming and going. Just an ordinary day, doing ordinary things, hanging out with my family. Comfortable, happy, secure.
I can almost see the kids jumping on the trampoline in the back yard while I stand at the kitchen window or on the back deck. Maybe we’d be getting ready to head down to the park for a picnic or off to the beach to fly a kite. Maybe we’d be heading off to pick strawberries or blueberries at a local farm. Maybe we’d be picking wild blackberries so I could make freezer jam. Maybe Jason and Alina would be making chocolate chip cookies in the kitchen. Maybe…maybe…
Sometimes it surprises me how strongly my entire being still reacts with longing for the way things used to be – for the time when Jason was alive and all was well with the world. It makes me yearn for my home, for my life, for my boy – just an ordinary, sunny Seattle day, doing ordinary things with my family. It takes just the right combination of things to bring that familiar longing right back to the surface.
© 2011 Rebecca R. Carney