One Year

From my journal dated March 2, 2003:

I dread tomorrow. I am dreading everything about it and all it stands for.

Jason David Carney - 7/29/82 - 3/3/02

One year. One long, horrendous year for without our boy. One year for Jenna without her best friend and brother. One year of not seeing Jason’s bright, beautiful, blue eyes. One year of not seeing Jason’s infectious smile. One year of not hearing Jason’s laugh that brightened my entire world.

How can he be gone? I just can’t seem to process it. I don’t know how to do this…whatever “this” is…and how to keep on doing it without Jason.

I had hoped the bulbs I planted in the fall by the crash site (various types yellow daffodils for Jason and purple and white crocuses for Alina) would be blooming by March 3rd. A lot of them are up and the buds are so close to opening. I just wanted something of vivid beauty to bloom at a site that signifies death.

I sent out Jason’s poem [the one I had printed on cards] on Friday and Saturday to his friends and to people who meant something to him. I really wanted the cards to arrive on March 3rd. I think a lot of people will be thinking of Jason and Alina, anyway. Maybe the poem will be an encouragement.

Oh, my boy, I miss you so. I can’t wait to see you again.

The Return

In the blink of an eye, there came a stillness in mid-storm.
The thunder ceased its roll, and the lightning its bolts
The rain dried its drops, and the clouds parted with anticipation.

From the sky there came a sound,
The sound of a solitary note.
Without hesitation, a chorus of voices joined
Filling the sky in joyous song.

Slowly, a man descended
With arms wide open – ready to embrace.
He had a sparkle in his eye
And his face beamed, giving unknown comfort.

Like a wave across the ocean,
The earth’s population fell to the ground.
Their eyes filled with tears of joy
For they knew they were going home.

Like a father’s touch across the face there came a breeze.
In that instant, a whirlwind of fire engulfed the earth,
And the long awaited reunion finally came to pass.

By Jason Carney, September 2000

© 2011 Rebecca R. Carney

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5 thoughts on “One Year

  1. I nominated you for the Liebster Blog Award. Read about the Liebster on my recent post and enjoy sharing the positive energy with fellow bloggers. It has been so meaningful to get to know Jason through your thoughts and words. I know your blog brings understanding, comfort, and encouragement to others who live with the death of their child. Thank you.

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