Horrible Week

I’m just going to put this out there. It’s only Wednesday and this has been a horrible week so far. As a matter of fact, the past few weeks have been just awful. Friday is the anniversary of Jason’s death, and that by itself is so much to handle. It hurts so much that Jason is gone. Joe and I still ask each other, “How can he be gone?” Our precious boy.

Add on top of that someone at work that I truly cared for has carelessly hurt me so deeply that I can’t even put into words how I feel, and, even though I have done absolutely nothing wrong and have done nothing to deserve the way I’ve been treated, has made a whole lot of people question my loyalty, integrity and character. He has made me look bad in order to look good, through no fault of my own. I don’t know what to do and I have no way to defend myself. I feel like I am holding together and forging ahead by sheer willpower, but I’m so very weary and so very hurt.

I just keep reminding myself to live my life so that Jason would be proud of me. I want to be proud of who I am and how I have treated others. I am responsible for my own actions and not those of others. As I said in an earlier post, “I want to live my life worthy and upright. I want Jason to be proud of me, to look down from that great cloud of witnesses and say to those around him, “Look at her!! That’s my mom!!” ” In my mind I picture that, when we stand before God in heaven, the story of our lives and how we treated others will be played on the big screen for all to see. Or, as the Bible says, “…There is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that not will be made known. What you have spoken in the dark will be heard in the daylight, and what you have whispered in the inner rooms will be proclaimed from the housetops. (Luke 12:3)” I want the story of my life to be one that I can be proud of.

Keep me in your prayers this week. I really need it.

~Becky

© 2017 Rebecca R. Carney

Advertisements
This entry was posted in Death of a child, Grief, Jason David Carney and tagged , , , by Rebecca Carney - One Woman's Perspective. Bookmark the permalink.

About Rebecca Carney - One Woman's Perspective

My name is Becky Carney. My husband, Joe, and I have been married for 40 years. We have two living children, Eric (37) and Jenna (32). We lost a baby in utero at 19 weeks in 1987. In 2002, our middle son, Jason (19), and his best friend, Alina (20), were broadsided by a drunk driver who was going at least twice the speed limit. They both died instantly. This blog is written from my perspective as a bereaved parent. I don't claim to know what it's like to walk in anyone else's shoes. Each situation is different; each person is different. Everyone handles grief differently. But if I can create any degree of understanding of what it's like to be a parent who has lost a child, then I have succeeded in my reason for writing this blog.

9 thoughts on “Horrible Week

  1. So very sorry that this week is even rougher than it would be “just” with the anniversary of Jason’s death. It seems that the enemy of our souls works overtime to try to crush us underfoot when we are already weak and heavy laden. Praying that the Lord intervenes on your behalf at work and that you feel Him whisper, “courage” to your soul May He overwhelm your hurting heart with HIs love, grace and mercy.

  2. What a shame to be in a complex situation at work during a week that is already so horribly sensitive. I’m so sorry, Rebecca. I will say a pray (right now) that the way smooth and you find the courage to be conscious of God’s strength in you.

  3. Dear Becky- I’m so sorry it’s been such a rough period on top of Jason’s anniversary.
    I found your blog after losing my daughter last May. I’m sending prayers for peace for you and your husband as well as less stress at work.

  4. So sorry to hear how difficult your week has been. Are you able to take one or two days off? You certainly don’t need to be around unkind people right now.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s