This world is not my home


This world is not my home I’m just passing through
my treasures are laid up somewhere beyond the blue
the angels beckon me from Heaven’s open door
and I can’t feel at home in this world anymore
© 1937, Ren. 1965 Albert E. Brumley & Sons

About six months after Jason died, one of my husband’s contracts, a large chain hotel in downtown Seattle, offered us employee rates to stay at one of their resort hotels in Hawaii. It was a very kind and generous offer, one which we desperately needed and could not have afforded otherwise.

I have not flown much at all in my life. As a matter of fact, my first flight ever was when Joe and I got married and went on our honeymoon. Flying usually made me very nervous and was a stressful experience, but I realized as we took off from Seattle to go to Hawaii that I wasn’t afraid or stressed at all. I realized that I no longer feared death. If I knew that if I died, I would be in heaven with Jason, and that would be a much better place to be.

I haven’t felt at home or connected to any place at all since Jason died. I know that I am just passing through and one day I will truly be at home. And I can’t feel at home in this world any more.



© 2019 Rebecca R. Carney

This entry was posted in Death of a child by Rebecca Carney - One Woman's Perspective. Bookmark the permalink.

About Rebecca Carney - One Woman's Perspective

My name is Becky Carney. My husband, Joe, and I have been married for 44 years. We have two living children, Eric (41) and Jenna (36). We lost a baby in utero at 19 weeks in 1987. In 2002, our middle son, Jason (19), and his best friend, Alina (20), were broadsided by a drunk driver who was going at least twice the speed limit. They both died instantly. This blog is written from my perspective as a bereaved parent. I don't claim to know what it's like to walk in anyone else's shoes. Each situation is different; each person is different. Everyone handles grief differently. But if I can create any degree of understanding of what it's like to be a parent who has lost a child, then I have succeeded in my reason for writing this blog.

7 thoughts on “This world is not my home

  1. Rebecca, needless to say your sorrow stays with me and I thought of you when I read this piece in the NY Times this a.m. About another couple who lost a son years ago and their response to this unspeakable grief. All the best to you and your family. gdf.

  2. Pingback: Home | Grief: One Woman's Perspective

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