This world is not my home

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This world is not my home I’m just passing through
my treasures are laid up somewhere beyond the blue
the angels beckon me from Heaven’s open door
and I can’t feel at home in this world anymore
© 1937, Ren. 1965 Albert E. Brumley & Sons

About six months after Jason died, one of my husband’s contracts, a large chain hotel in downtown Seattle, offered us employee rates to stay at one of their resort hotels in Hawaii. It was a very kind and generous offer, one which we desperately needed and could not have afforded otherwise.

I have not flown much at all in my life. As a matter of fact, my first flight ever was when Joe and I got married and went on our honeymoon. Flying usually made me very nervous and was a stressful experience, but I realized as we took off from Seattle to go to Hawaii that I wasn’t afraid or stressed at all. I realized that I no longer feared death. If I knew that if I died, I would be in heaven with Jason, and that would be a much better place to be.

I haven’t felt at home or connected to any place at all since Jason died. I know that I am just passing through and one day I will truly be at home. And I can’t feel at home in this world any more.

 

~Becky

© 2019 Rebecca R. Carney

This entry was posted in Death of a child by Rebecca Carney - One Woman's Perspective. Bookmark the permalink.

About Rebecca Carney - One Woman's Perspective

My name is Becky Carney. My husband, Joe, and I have been married for 42 years. We have two living children, Eric (39) and Jenna (34). We lost a baby in utero at 19 weeks in 1987. In 2002, our middle son, Jason (19), and his best friend, Alina (20), were broadsided by a drunk driver who was going at least twice the speed limit. They both died instantly. This blog is written from my perspective as a bereaved parent. I don't claim to know what it's like to walk in anyone else's shoes. Each situation is different; each person is different. Everyone handles grief differently. But if I can create any degree of understanding of what it's like to be a parent who has lost a child, then I have succeeded in my reason for writing this blog.

7 thoughts on “This world is not my home

  1. Rebecca, needless to say your sorrow stays with me and I thought of you when I read this piece in the NY Times this a.m. About another couple who lost a son years ago and their response to this unspeakable grief. All the best to you and your family. gdf.

  2. Pingback: Home | Grief: One Woman's Perspective

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