I Just Wanted You to Know

My husband and I went to a bluegrass festival last weekend. Bluegrass more one of Joe’s preference of music style than mine, but I can certainly appreciate the musicianship and enjoy the time we spend together doing something Joe is enthusiastic about.

One of Joe’s favorite bands is called Carolina Blue. They played a song called, “I Just Wanted You to Know.” It brought tears to my eyes, because it reminded me so much of the relationship between Joe and Jason. Joe was so involved with the kids, teaching them to swim, leading them to accept Jesus into their hearts, playing games and swamp monster with them, reading to them at night. He would come home from work and take them swimming or whatever they wanted to do. The list goes on and on. He was crazy about his kids.

Joe and Jason had a special relationship. After Jason died, I remember waking up one night to find Joe sobbing, lamenting about not being able to protect him. There was absolutely nothing Joe could have done to keep that drunk driver from hitting Jason, but he still felt like he should have been able to protect him, would have protected him at all costs if he could have. I think sometimes dads are not given the adequate time to process the loss of a child. They are expected to be strong, to get up and go back to work, to carry on for everyone else.

I am so thankful for Joe and his love of his family. If there’s one thing they know, it’s that their daddy loves them.

 

I Just Wanted You to Know

That old barbershop sure was a crowded place 
When we took you for your first hair cut that Saturday 
But you sat there like a good boy, so quiet and so still 
Words can’t express the love and pride I feel

When you first called me "daddy" my heart skipped a beat 
And when you took your first big steps on those little feet 
I wish that I could slow down time ‘cuz our lives are moving fast
Why can’t these precious days of childhood last?

And your smile lights up the world I’m living in 
And your laughter is music to my soul 
And no matter what you do in life, no matter where you go 
Your daddy loves you; I just wanted you to know

The way you tap your little toes when the music starts 
And your warm smile would melt the coldest icy heart 
I want to give you all the things my dad couldn’t give to me 
And help you be the man I couldn’t be

I hope the Lord has heard all these prayers that I’ve prayed 
And He’ll help me be the best dad for you each and every day 
To guide you down life’s pathways and keep your footsteps right 
And show you all the love I have inside

And your smile lights up the world I’m living in 
And your laughter is music to my soul 
And no matter what you do in life, no matter where you go 
Your daddy loves you; I just wanted you to know

And no matter what you do in life, no matter where you go 
Your daddy loves you; I just wanted you to know

(I couldn’t find copyright information on this song, but it was written by Bobby Powell of the Carolina Blue bluegrass band.)

Missing my precious boy. Jason David Carney 7/29/82 – 3/3/02

~Becky

© 2019 Rebecca R. Carney

 

This entry was posted in Child Loss, Death of a child, Grief, Jason David Carney and tagged , , by Rebecca Carney - One Woman's Perspective. Bookmark the permalink.

About Rebecca Carney - One Woman's Perspective

My name is Becky Carney. My husband, Joe, and I have been married for 43 years. We have two living children, Eric (40) and Jenna (35). We lost a baby in utero at 19 weeks in 1987. In 2002, our middle son, Jason (19), and his best friend, Alina (20), were broadsided by a drunk driver who was going at least twice the speed limit. They both died instantly. This blog is written from my perspective as a bereaved parent. I don't claim to know what it's like to walk in anyone else's shoes. Each situation is different; each person is different. Everyone handles grief differently. But if I can create any degree of understanding of what it's like to be a parent who has lost a child, then I have succeeded in my reason for writing this blog.

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