My Dream

I don’t dream much – or, at the very least, I don’t remember my dreams.

I haven’t dreamed of Jason in a very, very long time, but I dreamed about Jason last night.

I dreamed that Jason came home to visit us from college. I was so ecstatic to see him – beyond ecstatic. I couldn’t stop staring at his face. It was so wonderful to see his face again. He seemed concerned or worried about something, so he wasn’t his usual cheerful, smiley self. In my dream, I was waiting for him to smile his beautiful, sun-shiney smile. I took his face in my hands and just smiled at him for a long time until he didn’t look worried any more. He couldn’t stay long and had to get back to school.

In my dream, I sat down on the floor against the wall after he left and cried and cried. I was so sad that Jason had to leave. I was so sad that our daughter and other son lived so far away from us (which is true in real life). I felt so alone (which is also true in real life).

I woke up crying. I miss my boy so much. I miss his smiling face. I miss everything about him.

~Becky

© 2020 Rebecca R. Carney

This entry was posted in Death of a child, Grief, Jason David Carney and tagged , , , by Rebecca Carney - One Woman's Perspective. Bookmark the permalink.

About Rebecca Carney - One Woman's Perspective

My name is Becky Carney. My husband, Joe, and I have been married for 43 years. We have two living children, Eric (40) and Jenna (35). We lost a baby in utero at 19 weeks in 1987. In 2002, our middle son, Jason (19), and his best friend, Alina (20), were broadsided by a drunk driver who was going at least twice the speed limit. They both died instantly. This blog is written from my perspective as a bereaved parent. I don't claim to know what it's like to walk in anyone else's shoes. Each situation is different; each person is different. Everyone handles grief differently. But if I can create any degree of understanding of what it's like to be a parent who has lost a child, then I have succeeded in my reason for writing this blog.

6 thoughts on “My Dream

  1. Hi Becky,
    Unfortunately I rarely dream of Danielle. It would be lovely to have a visit in a dream. It is so so sad that this is our reality.
    I have been thinking of you and hope your husband is on the road to recovery. I look forward to your posts.
    Lots of love, Janice 💕xx

  2. love and hugs and hope the love that shone through is enough to sustain you through the very rough and lonely days – my dad (who passed away 14 months before my son) visited me shortly before my son died – I was so sure he was there, I awoke and looked around the room for him before waking up fully to ‘reality’ – both very sad and too, I felt so very loved – – for me, focusing on the love was what carried me through the sadness and loss I awoke to step through….yet again…do so hope you find a way to navigate this – until then – ❤

  3. There’s a massive hole in your life. It opened the day you lost your boy and it is full of tears, wishing, memories, longing, and hugs that come up empty because Jason isn’t here to hold.
    I hope you’ve got a couple good friends who make you laugh. A hobby you can lose yourself in. Walks in nature with eyes that see the beauty. And somewhere you go to be with people who are hurting and need you and you give just because it feels good to give. ♡

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