The Wariness of Grief

In one of the homeschool groups we were in when the kids were younger, there was one mom who seemed to me to be quite distant. I didn’t understand it, since her kids were similar ages to my kids and they all were part of the largest group of kids in the entire homeschool group. Her kids and our kids were friends, and her daughters were outgoing and friendly. We all were part of one of the largest homeschool groups in the state of Washington and belonged to a co-op where our kids attended certain classes with other homeschool students.

While we moms would sit around tables and talk while our kids were in classes, this mom would mostly sit in her car by herself. If she did come and join us, she was fairly quiet. She was friendly enough, but there seemed to be a wall between us. One day she told us about her older son who had died in a car accident. It was heartbreaking to hear and hard for her to tell. In my mind, however, I didn’t put together her wariness/guardedness and the death of her child until it happened to me. Grief has changed me and wariness/guardedness is one of these changes.

This article showed up on my Facebook this morning, and I thought it gave some insight into one of the ways in which bereaved parents change. I hope you will take time to read it.

Sadly, experience has taught me to be wary even of people I’ve known a long time. I have been surprised by those I was formerly close to who have hurt me or disappointed me. Or who have disappeared. So, I wear my mask and conduct myself carefully.

The Wariness of Grief:


© 2020 Rebecca R. Carney

This entry was posted in Death of a child, Grief and tagged , , by Rebecca Carney - One Woman's Perspective. Bookmark the permalink.

About Rebecca Carney - One Woman's Perspective

My name is Becky Carney. My husband, Joe, and I have been married for 44 years. We have two living children, Eric (41) and Jenna (36). We lost a baby in utero at 19 weeks in 1987. In 2002, our middle son, Jason (19), and his best friend, Alina (20), were broadsided by a drunk driver who was going at least twice the speed limit. They both died instantly. This blog is written from my perspective as a bereaved parent. I don't claim to know what it's like to walk in anyone else's shoes. Each situation is different; each person is different. Everyone handles grief differently. But if I can create any degree of understanding of what it's like to be a parent who has lost a child, then I have succeeded in my reason for writing this blog.

2 thoughts on “The Wariness of Grief

    • As grieving parents, I think it’s easy to wonder what’s wrong with us, why we feel a certain way, and think it’s just us. When Jason died, there were very few, if any, internet resources and fewer books written on the subject of grief. I’m glad there’s more shared information now so that we don’t feel so alone and that we are not the only ones dealing with certain things.

      Hugs to you, Kathleen.


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