Happy birthday, my precious boy

Jason would have been 38 years old today. My precious, beautiful, sunshine-y boy.

There are days when it all comes crashing down. This is one of those days.

Perhaps it’s the unrest and incivility so prevalent in the United States these days. We could use a kind, loving, thoughtful beautiful soul like Jason in the world. He made it a more kind and beautiful place.

Perhaps it’s knowing that he died when he was 19 – half of what would have been his lifetime had he lived (19 + 19 = 38).

Perhaps it’s because I have tried so hard to live a life that would have made him proud of me, tried to find a life or purpose and meaning, tried to find a place to belong in this world – and I feel I have made not made much inroads in all of that.

Perhaps it’s just that I miss him so much.

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My precious boy. Happy birthday. I miss you with all my heart.

~Becky

© 2020 Rebecca R. Carney

This entry was posted in Death of a child, Grief and tagged , by Rebecca Carney - One Woman's Perspective. Bookmark the permalink.

About Rebecca Carney - One Woman's Perspective

My name is Becky Carney. My husband, Joe, and I have been married for 44 years. We have two living children, Eric (41) and Jenna (36). We lost a baby in utero at 19 weeks in 1987. In 2002, our middle son, Jason (19), and his best friend, Alina (20), were broadsided by a drunk driver who was going at least twice the speed limit. They both died instantly. This blog is written from my perspective as a bereaved parent. I don't claim to know what it's like to walk in anyone else's shoes. Each situation is different; each person is different. Everyone handles grief differently. But if I can create any degree of understanding of what it's like to be a parent who has lost a child, then I have succeeded in my reason for writing this blog.

3 thoughts on “Happy birthday, my precious boy

  1. Dear Rebecca. Anniversaries are tough. Next year Jason will have been gone longer than he was here. The sculptures represent very much what my heart feels. But not all the time. As the years go by people I know lose their adult children. Accidents. Disease. Random acts of madness. And I think about how we get so many years. Some of us get to grow old. Some of us die young and they take a bit of sunshine with them when they go. We were all robbed. And it’s happening to someone somewhere every day. I have no words to take away your pain. Here’s hoping our boys have met and they’re greeting the newcomers ♡

  2. Thinking of you & your family Becky & sending my love. That is such a precious email from Jason. It is sad we only have our memories & not our wonderful children with us. Huge hugs, Janice xx

  3. Hugs and ❤ sent your way – my 'boy' would have been 30 this past June 7th – he died 4 days before his 18th b-day. I made it through that week, rather intact, but wouldn't ya know, while cleaning through 'boxes' of papers that this past Sunday, for things that can be burned/shredded because so old, I don't need to keep anymore – I came across his funeral bill. and in a moment – I felt both the 'crash' of 'productivity, cleaning house, get er done' energy – but also, in some small way, a gratefulness that it didn't hurt as bad this year as it has in the past when 'those things' come up and side-smack ya – – sigh – I'm not certain, really, if it ever gets totally 'okay'/no huge crash – but….when they happen – not fun – and yet, for me, it feels like each time it happens – I come out the other side just a little more quickly and with a little more 'depth' (?) if you will, to the beautiful lessons I learned from him during our time together – – your son, my son, would have made the world a better place – that's for sure – guess, maybe, we carry their light forward to shine it for them – 🙂

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