“You’ve Got the Most Unbelievable Blue Eyes I’ve Ever Seen”

Look at that bright smile

Look at that bright smile and beautiful blue eyes

One of the songs we played at Jason’s memorial service during the photo slide show was Donna Lewis’s “I Love You Always Forever.” It was a fun, upbeat song that was popular at the time and parts of it just seemed to represent who Jason was, especially the line “you’ve got the most unbelievable blue eyes I’ve ever seen.” Because, you see, Jason DID have the most unbelievably beautiful blue eyes. They were eyes that twinkled with joy. They were eyes that spoke of intelligence, love, compassion.

Music has a power to connect to our emotions like little else. It brings back memories so clearly, as if the event that triggers those memories just happened. It just touches our hearts so deeply in unexpected ways.

For some reason, that song, “I Love You Always Forever,” does that for me. It just zings me right in the heart every time I hear it, and it takes me right back to that time. It reminds me of how much I miss Jason. It came on the speakers as I was shopping today and just stopped me in my tracks. Tears filled my eyes and I was blindsided by the depth of emotions I felt.

Early on in this journey, I realized certain songs were going to do that for me; they were going to blindside me when I unexpectedly heard them. I realized that could be a problem, and so I purchased a CD with this particular song on it. I played it over and over in an effort to “desensitize” its impact for me. Obviously, that didn’t work very well for me. I still get blindsided by this song…and others. They remind me of times gone by that will never come again. They remind me how much I miss my boy and those beautiful blue eyes of his.

© 2014 Rebecca R. Carney

“You’ve Got a Friend”

From my journal dated July 12, 2002:

I heard James Taylor’s version of “You’ve Got a Friend” on the radio today. It used to be one of my favorite songs in the whole world for years and years. Whenever I heard it, I’d think of someone – a friend – who especially meant a lot to me. It was like I was mentally dedicating that song to that friend. I would be there for that friend…that friend would be there for me.

“When you’re down and troubled…and you need a helping hand…you just call out my name…”

But I had to turn it off because I don’t believe it right now. I don’t know that I have a friend like that. I don’t know that I could be a friend like that. I feel burned and and I struggle with being bitter. I don’t want to trust people with my feelings. I don’t want to be open and vulnerable. I don’t feel that heart-connection to a friend any more.