I wrote something in my last book review post that I feel bears repeating. To quote my previous post:
As one of ten kids and pastor of a large church, the author mentions several times about the incredible support that they had. In writing this section, as well as other places where the he talks about support or finding support, I realized that I have come to this conclusion: As difficult as it is for a person who has never experienced the death of a child to realize how difficult it is to walk the daily walk of a parent whose child has died, it is similarly difficult for a person who has had support in their walk as a bereaved parent to truly understand what it’s like to NOT have such support. The notion that everyone has or can find adequate support in their grief journey is an assumptive, erroneous one. I wish it were otherwise and that every bereaved parent had or could find adequate support, but I know firsthand that it’s not.
No loss is the same. No griever is the same. No grief is the same. Circumstances of death are not the same. Support and support systems are not the same. It’s important to realize that, although bereaved parents have all been thrown into the “club no one wants to join,” we all walk similar, yet different, paths. As fellow bereaved parents, we need to check assumptions at the door, just as we would wish the non-bereaved would check their assumptions at the door about what this walk of grief is like and how long and difficult it really is. I truly, truly rejoice with those who have support; my heart goes out for those who don’t.
Also, a previous post regarding assumptions about adequate support can be found here: https://onewomansperspective02.wordpress.com/2019/01/26/dont-assume-everyone-has-adequate-support-in-grief/
© 2019 Rebecca R. Carney