My husband and I went to a bluegrass festival last weekend. Bluegrass more one of Joe’s preference of music style than mine, but I can certainly appreciate the musicianship and enjoy the time we spend together doing something Joe is enthusiastic about.
One of Joe’s favorite bands is called Carolina Blue. They played a song called, “I Just Wanted You to Know.” It brought tears to my eyes, because it reminded me so much of the relationship between Joe and Jason. Joe was so involved with the kids, teaching them to swim, leading them to accept Jesus into their hearts, playing games and swamp monster with them, reading to them at night. He would come home from work and take them swimming or whatever they wanted to do. The list goes on and on. He was crazy about his kids.
Joe and Jason had a special relationship. After Jason died, I remember waking up one night to find Joe sobbing, lamenting about not being able to protect him. There was absolutely nothing Joe could have done to keep that drunk driver from hitting Jason, but he still felt like he should have been able to protect him, would have protected him at all costs if he could have. I think sometimes dads are not given the adequate time to process the loss of a child. They are expected to be strong, to get up and go back to work, to carry on for everyone else.
I am so thankful for Joe and his love of his family. If there’s one thing they know, it’s that their daddy loves them.
I Just Wanted You to Know
That old barbershop sure was a crowded place When we took you for your first hair cut that Saturday But you sat there like a good boy, so quiet and so still Words can’t express the love and pride I feel When you first called me "daddy" my heart skipped a beat And when you took your first big steps on those little feet I wish that I could slow down time ‘cuz our lives are moving fast Why can’t these precious days of childhood last? And your smile lights up the world I’m living in And your laughter is music to my soul And no matter what you do in life, no matter where you go Your daddy loves you; I just wanted you to know The way you tap your little toes when the music starts And your warm smile would melt the coldest icy heart I want to give you all the things my dad couldn’t give to me And help you be the man I couldn’t be I hope the Lord has heard all these prayers that I’ve prayed And He’ll help me be the best dad for you each and every day To guide you down life’s pathways and keep your footsteps right And show you all the love I have inside And your smile lights up the world I’m living in And your laughter is music to my soul And no matter what you do in life, no matter where you go Your daddy loves you; I just wanted you to know And no matter what you do in life, no matter where you go Your daddy loves you; I just wanted you to know
(I couldn’t find copyright information on this song, but it was written by Bobby Powell of the Carolina Blue bluegrass band.)
Missing my precious boy. Jason David Carney 7/29/82 – 3/3/02
~Becky
© 2019 Rebecca R. Carney
Grief: One Woman's Perspective 