We have moved into our new house and are doing our best to make it feel like home. I looked at Joe the other day and said, “We are no longer storage unit dwellers!!” While unpacking boxes that have been in storage for so many years, we have found things we had forgotten we had.

As we ran across the box that had Jason’s hats in them, both Joe and I stopped to hug each other. I know they are just “things,” but when I look at them, I picture Jason wearing them. They seem so empty without him in them. Such a classy guy. We miss our boy.

It has had its glitches – completion, delivery and installation issues, things that need to be fixed by the builder or that we will do ourselves, internet not available for 4-6 weeks, realizing how many more things we need to get, etc.

One good thing about having very little of our own when we bought the house is that most everything is new. The flip side is that having to buy everything at the onset gets expensive. We will have to work at some things over time, just like we did when we first got married and started our lives together. A new beginning.

As have said previously, I have not felt “at home” anywhere since before Jason died, but we are giving this all we’ve got. I want to find a way to honor Jason in our new home, something special. I’m not quite sure what it is yet. He is always in our hearts.


© 2022 Rebecca R. Carney

This entry was posted in Death of a child, Grief and tagged , , by Rebecca Carney - One Woman's Perspective. Bookmark the permalink.

About Rebecca Carney - One Woman's Perspective

My name is Becky Carney. My husband, Joe, and I have been married for 46 years. We have two living children, Eric (43) and Jenna (38). We lost a baby in utero at 19 weeks in 1987. In 2002, our middle son, Jason (19), and his best friend, Alina (20), were broadsided by a drunk driver who was going at least twice the speed limit. They both died instantly. This blog is written from my perspective as a bereaved parent. I don't claim to know what it's like to walk in anyone else's shoes. Each situation is different; each person is different. Everyone handles grief differently. But if I can create any degree of understanding of what it's like to be a parent who has lost a child, then I have succeeded in my reason for writing this blog.

6 thoughts on “Moving

  1. Congratulations on your move and your new home, Becky. I can only imagine the memories that both haunt and comfort you – especially the hats. I’ll be interested to see how you honor your beloved Jason’s memory. I hope things go smoothly as you settle in.

  2. I am so pleased you are in your new home. It looks like a beautiful location. I hope all goes really well Becky. Huge hugs Janice xx

  3. Congratulations on your new home. I don’t mean to speak out of turn, but you said you’d like to do something special for your son. Creating a garden and planting some trees which will renew each spring might make sense. I understand so very well how you cannot bring your son back you can celebrate his life each year with the new growth. I hope this doesn’t add to your pain but would somehow bring some slight healing if you could work in the earth to create something special for him that would renew itself each year. I hope this home brings you and husband happiness, as much as it can.

    • Thank you for the suggestion. I have been thinking of a tree to plant, as well as some tulips and crocuses to honor Jason and Alina (see my post about the flowers I planted at the accident site at the one year anniversary). Also, Jason loved chess and I have a couple of his chess sets, one particular one he took with him different places so he could play and teach chess to other people. I’m thinking about having an accent table made with a chess board on the table top.

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